Ser Davos must’ve thought deep down that bringing Jon back was a bit farfetched, because as soon as Jon begins breathing and sits up, he’s genuinely shocked. Jon’s equally shocked that he’s alive, as he remembers Olly stabbing him in the heart (the fact that Olly delivered the death strike, and in the heart no less, makes the situation even sadder). Melisandre rushes in and asks what he saw when he died. Jon tells her he saw nothing. Well, that’s a bummer. Then Melisandre starts going on about how Jon may be the prince to rule the world instead of Stannis…blah, blah. God, I hope she doesn’t become the Melisandre of old and starts giving birth to more demon babies and performing blood sacrifices on children. I was just starting to like her. Davos sympathizes with how Jon must be feeling. Jon admits that he doesn’t know why he’s back, and isn’t sure what to do at this point. Davos tells him to go on fighting. Jon says the last time he fought, he failed. Davos tells him to fail again. Later, Jon greets his men, including Tormund and his buddy. Tormund tells Jon that everyone thinks he’s a god, but Jon dismisses the idea. Tormund agrees, saying that he couldn’t be a god, because his dick is too small. I cracked up at that line. Jon’s buddy asks if he’s still the same Jon Snow, and Jon says he thinks he is. He tells a joke about holding off on the funeral pyre, and his buddy asks again if he’s sure he’s himself, seeing as the old Jon didn’t have a sense of humor. That gets another laugh out of Jon.
The Middle of Damn Nowhere
An extremely seasick Sam and Gilly are in the middle of the ocean, traveling to the Citadel. Well, Sam’s traveling to the Citadel. Gilly learns that she and the baby are going to Sam’s family home while he completes his studies. Sam argues that the Citadel is no place for a woman, and that Gilly would be safer with his mother. Gilly’s a bit disappointed, but she resigns herself to the idea. Sam tells her that he’d feel better if she blessed him out and threw something at him. Gilly says she’d never do that to the father of her child. Awwww!! Sam smiles at that statement, and pukes.
The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave
Bran and The Three Eyed Raven are wargin’ out again, and this time, they see young Ned Stark riding with Howland Reed, Meera’s father. Dang, fate is a trip! Now young Ned is a bit older—maybe in his late teens or early twenties—as opposed to the last dream, where he looked to be about eleven or twelve. Apparently Ned is trying to save Lyanna, who may be locked in a nearby tower. Ser Arthur Dayne shows up as Ned’s opposition. Of course, a sword fight breaks out. Now, here’s the thing: apparently, the story that Bran heard growing up was that Ned beat Dayne with one hand behind his back or some bullshit. However, Bran learns that that’s not the case. Ned put up a hell of a fight, but Dayne was overpowering him, and he lost because Howland Reed snuck up behind Dayne and stabbed him in the back. Once Dayne is dead, Ned goes up to the the tower to get Lyanna, and Bran calls out to him. Here’s the trippy part…Ned actually hears him. The Three Eyed Raven appears a bit nervous and ends the dream. Bran’s irate. He knew his father heard him, but The Three Eyed Raven writes it off. Bran wants to go back, but The Three Eyed Raven warns him again: if you stay in the dream too long, you may never come back. Bran doesn’t care. He goes full on teenager and starts going on and on about how when he’s in the dreams he not a cripple, how he doesn’t wanna spend all his time with an old man in a tree…yadda, yadda, yadda. Even Leaf (the little magical girl! Props to Patrick for giving me her name!) can’t believe the temper tantrum this boy is having. The Three Eyed Raven lets Bran know that he’s aware he doesn’t wanna stay in the cave forever, and he will eventually get out, but first he has to learn. Bran asks what he has to learn (and then he asked the question like a spoiled ass child that thinks he knows everything! Bran really is in his terrible teens). The Three Eyed Raven answers, “Everything.” Shots fired.
Dany finally gets to Vaes Dothrak, and her reception isn’t exactly warm. Once she gets in the temple, the head Dosh Khaleen has her stripped of her clothing and makes her wear the traditional Dothraki garment. Dany starts going on about how they’ll regret what they’ve done, but her threats fall on deaf ears. The Dothraki really don’t give a shit about Dany being the Mother of Dragons or the Queen of Meereen. The main Dosh Khaleen asks her why she didn’t come to Vaes Dothrak when Khal Drogo died. Dany tells her that her place is not with them. The dragon lady writes off Dany’s attitude as her being young and how she’ll learn the way of the world soon enough…if she’s lucky enough to stay in Vaes Dothrak. Dany asks where else she could possibly go, and Miss Thang tells her that since she went off in the world after Khal Drogo died, she committed a forbidden act. Now her fate lies in the hands of the Khalasars. Oooooohhh…
Varys meets up with the ho that was working with the Sons of the Harpy (you know, the one that killed the Unsullied solider that just wanted a mother figure last season?). She thinks he’s going to torture her, but he actually entices her with the promise of a new life for herself and her son, along with some startup money. All he needs in return in some information. In the meantime, Tyrion is waiting for the news along with Grey Worm and Missandei, and he learns that the two of them are pretty doggone boring. He tries his best to start up a conversation or play a game to pass the time, but they’re so socially awkward they end up making Tyrion look like the weirdo for even suggesting it (which further proves that Grey Worm and Missandei are made for each other). Strangely enough, whenever they’re around each other, or if Dany is nearby, they don’t have a problem talking. As a matter of fact, Grey Worm and Missandei have scorching chemistry together. Varys returns from the interrogation, much to Tyrion’s relief, and tells them that the Sons of the Harpy are being funded by the slave owners in Astapor and Yunkai, as well as the rich folks in Volantis. Ain’t that somethin’. Grey Worm suggests fighting them, but Tyrion suggest talking to them first, and asks Varys to get his little birds to send them a message. Varys answers that men cannot be trusted but his little birds are always faithful. That got me thinking…exactly who and what are Varys’ birds?
Maester Qyburn aka The Mad Scientist, is doing checkups on the local children. A little girl asks when Varys will be coming back. Qyburn asks why, and the little girl answers that she always liked Varys. He was nice, and always referred to the kids as his “little birds.” Wow. Mystery solved. I always assumed that the birds were men he trusted until he made that statement in Meereen. I should’ve known they were kids! Children never lie (unless it’s about doing their homework and/or cleaning their rooms). Qyburn decides to recruit some birds of his own, and gives the kids candy to butter them up. Cersei, Jaime and The Mountain arrive, scaring the living hell out of the children. Cersei sees that Qyburn is gathering spies, and she tells him to gather more: in Dorne, Highgarden, everywhere. If someone’s talkin’ shit about her, she wants to know. Qyburn agrees. Welcome back, bitchy Cersei.
There’s a small council meeting taking place where Pycelle is talkin’ shit about Qyburn and The Mountain. Talk about a hater! Cersei’s crew walks in on the meeting while Pycelle is talkin’ his trash, and once he sees The Mountain, he actually passes gas. I’m not above laughing at toilet humor. Don’t judge me. By the way, one of my favorite characters was at the small council meeting…Oleanna Tyrell (or as I love to call her, Granny Tyrell)! I love her almost as much as I love Tyrion! Anyway, Cersei’s Uncle Kevan reminds her that she’s not on the small council and has no business being there. Cersei asks why Granny Tyrell is there, but she lets Cersei know that her son invited her so they could talk about the queen’s imprisonment. Cersei’s vain ass thinks she’s referring to her, but Granny lets her know quick, fast and in a hurry that Margaery is the queen and Margaery’s imprisonment is the topic of discussion. Cersei and Jaime refuse to leave…so everyone else does. Buuuurrrrrnnnnnnn!!!
Tommen confronts The High Sparrow, demanding him to allow Cersei to visit Marcella’s grave. The High Sparrow refuses. Tommen flexes his authority, “I am the king!” When are y’all gonna learn that that doesn’t work?? The High Sparrow not only refuses again, but plays Tommen in the process. He sits down with Tommen and talks to him about how Cersei has to go through further atonement not because the Septon wants it, but because the gods want it. He goes on to say that the gods make their will known and it’s up to us as human beings to accept it or reject it. Tommen mentions that Tywin used to say the same thing, and starts really listening to the rest of The High Sparrow’s malarkey. Got ‘im.
Blind Arya is back in the House of Black and White, and she’s not playin’ around. She spends her days training to be no one. She learns how to fight blind, sparring with that blonde heffa. When she’s not fighting that witch, she asks Arya who she was before she came to Braavos. Now, here’s what pissed me off: the heffa asks about Arya’s family, and she mentions that she had one sister and four brothers. The blonde heffa whacked her with the stick for that, and Arya quickly changed her answer to one sister, three brothers and one half brother. That still makes Jon her brother, bitch! I hate the way these bastards on this show treat Jon (and Tyrion) like he’s less than! *Sigh* But I digress. Anyway, for the first few days, the blonde heffa continues to whup Arya’s ass, but she takes it everyday, and gets better as each day passes. She learns how to use her sense of touch, hearing and smell to navigate her way around and fight. She even learns how to mix potions. While going through the former Arya Stark’s history, the blonde heffa makes her recite the kill list. Arya only names a few people, and mentions that the Hound was once on the list as well, but was taken off. The blonde heffa asks who else was on her “funny little list.” Hell, with all the pounding you’re doing on this child, your nasty ass might be on it. Good thing you don’t have a name! Arya eventually gets so good at her skills that she ends up defending herself against the blonde heffa’s attacks (much to that witch’s dismay)! When Jaqen H’ghar sees this, he tells Arya again that if a girl says her name, she’ll get her eyes back. Arya repeats that she has no name. Jaqen gives her a potion to drink. At first Arya hesitates, but Jaqen says that if a girl is truly no one, she has nothing to fear. Arya drinks it, and just like that, she regains her sight. Jaqen asks who she is again. Arya answers, “No one.” Now she’s the Artist Formerly Known as Arya Stark. Yes, her murderous skills are an art.
Some dude named Lord Umber comes to Winterfell asking for Ramsey’s help against the Wildlings now that they’ve crossed The Wall. One thing I like about Umber is that he’s no dummy. He knows that Ramsey killed Roose Bolton, and doesn’t for one second buy his bullshit about Roose being poisoned by his enemies. Ramsey asks Umber to pledge his banners to him, but Umber refuses. He then asks Umber to kneel before him and pledge his loyalty, but Umber refuses to do that, too. Instead, he has a gift for Ramsey. He brings in two hostages, with sacks over their heads. When the sacks are removed, it’s revealed that the hostages are none other than Osha and Rickon. OMG!! This season is bringing back a lot of folks we haven’t seen for a while! Ramsey wants proof that Rickon really is who they say he is, and Umber brings the head of Rickon’s direwolf as evidence. The damn wolves are being killed off just as quickly as the actual Stark family members! Ramsey accepts the wolf’s head as proof and “welcomes” Rickon back home. Ugh.
All In All, You’re Just Another Brick In The Wall!
As Laurence Fishburne once said in the film Deep Cover, “If you deal in vice, you pay the price.” Well, all those fuckers that stabbed Jon are about to pay. Jon’s buddy knocks on the Lord Commander’s door, letting him know that it’s time. Jon goes outside to do his duty, and we see Thorne, Olly, and those other two idiots on the scaffold. Jon asks if they have any last words, and one of the no-name idiots hollers out, “You shouldn’t be alive! It’s not right!” Really? Jon claps back and tell him that killing him wasn’t right, either. The other no-name idiot wants Jon to send a letter to his mother telling him he died fighting the wildlings. Jon doesn’t openly agree to it, but he doesn’t come out and say no, either. Thorne gives a long winded speech about how he had to choose between betraying Jon or betraying The Night’s Watch. Whatever. Then Jon gets to Olly, who says nothing. All he does is look at Jon with disdain. Jon pauses for a second before cutting the rope to release the bottom end of the scaffold. Once he does, it only takes a few seconds for all of them to die. When it’s over, Jon takes off his coat and hands it to his buddy. His buddy asks what he wants him to do with it, and Jon basically lets him know he doesn’t care because he’s handing the title of Lord Commander to him. Jon walks away saying, “My watch has ended.”
This was an interesting episode, but it hurt my heart a little bit. First of all, despite the fact that Olly pissed me off royally for betraying Jon, seeing his dead body on that rope was haunting, to say the least. All in all, he was just a boy. True, he was a boy that decided he wanted to be grown and had to pay the ultimate grown up price, but he was just a boy nonetheless. The other thing that hurt my heart is the ongoing situation with the Stark children. When I was in high school, we had to watch a mini-series called The Holocaust for my US History class. In the movie, there’s a wealthy Jewish family that’s very close knit, but once the Nazi party’s power grows, the family becomes separated. Many members of the family never see each other again. Whenever I watch “Game of Thrones,” and see how the Starks have all been separated thanks to the Lannisters and their bullshit, I think about The Holocaust. Rickon missed Sansa at Winterfell by a few days, maybe a week. Jon just left The Wall, right before Sansa is about to show up. It seems to me that they’ll never be reunited again. Another thing I want to touch on is Tommen. Tommen’s been getting a lot of flack for being a useless king. Well, he’s not the strongest monarch, but we have to remember something…he’s a kid. A softhearted kid at that. The High Sparrow knew exactly how to play his emotions, and it worked like a charm. At least Tommen tried to exercise his authority this week. We’ll see if The High Sparrow continues to play him, or if Tommen will eventually become a better ruler. Only time will tell. And Jon! I can’t believe he quit! Where will he go? What he will he do? He can’t go back to Winterfell; Ramsey and those other bloodthirsty bastards will have his head (although he may see Rickon again…maybe). Can’t wait for next week!
—Written by Nadiya
So what did y’all think about “Oathbreaker”? Good show, or was it dull as dishwater? Also, what’s your opinion on Olly’s death or Tommen’s lack of influence, or anything going on with the Stark kids? Your thoughts please!